Yuletide: Spice up Christmas with these gifts

Christmas designs are already being put up, and churches are preparing songs for their carols.

Some fat man is pulling out his rusty Santa Claus costume that will mortify children and adults, me included, and shape their future and ‘old Christmas photos’ forever.

Then there is you, who only has four weeks to tell all the people you love that they will not get any gifts from you.

But as always, we are here to save you; even with the limited time on our hands, we can still find a way to make this Christmas the most memorable one you and your family will have.

1. Buy a vibrator for your aunt, who cannot stop pestering everyone to get married.

2. Get your lastborn a ski mask, so they can go into armed robbery proper if you are the last born. Buy one for yourself or beg someone to buy it since that is your work.

3. Get your friend that will not stop returning to their ex some shackles for their ankles.

4. Buy a speaker for your local Babalawo, and let everyone spread their gospel.






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