How to break up before Valentine

Notes taken from a well renowned Nigerian book; True love text messages.

With Valentine fast approaching, you may be frightened that your significant other will discover the lack of your financial depths. This can easily be fixed with an easy break-up.

The thing about breakups is that if done in person can turn into make up sex and that is not want we want, we will not allow something as little as bedmantics deter us from the goal.

For this reason, the break up will be done over text, so I have curated for you texts that will buttress the exact point you are trying to make.

1. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m really in love,but not with you”:
Before you send this by the way, ensure you have no plans of returning to that person and that he/she or they have no friends in the army.

2. “I used to think you took my breath away, I didn’t realize I was suffocating from all the crap”:
After you send something like this just off your phone, especially if you have a very expressive partner.
They will want to call just to prove you don’t have Monopoly of madness.

3. “There’s Photoshop, auto tune and plastic surgery, too bad there’s nothing to sort out your ugly personality”:
Send this if you people have not gone too deep, so they will not have too much reason to take your name to babalawo.

4. “You’re like a drug to me…no not because I’m addicted, because you’re ruining my life”:
If you have intentions of getting back with the person send this and later blame alcohol, say you were practicing what to tell your dealer.

5. “Hearts change I know they do, but this heart will always belong to you! Hearts hurt I know they do but this heart hurts more without you”:
This is the classical play the victim card, “it’s not you, it’s me”
Kpele Shakespeare _
Nevertheless to seal the deal appropriately, send this and make them think it was a tough decision for you, not that you are just poor and senseless.

We wish you a happy Valentine as a newly single, it can only get better from here.