how to cross the road and not die

Crossing the road can be a daunting task, especially in busy cities like Lagos where cars and okadas zoom by at breakneck speeds. But fear not, my fellow pedestrians, for I have some foolproof tips on how to cross the road without dying.


Firstly, always look left, then right, then left again. Or is it right, left, right? Honestly, I can never remember, so just do both to be safe.


Secondly, make sure to channel your inner Usain Bolt and run across the road as fast as possible. The faster you run, the less time the cars have to hit you. It’s simple physics, folks.


Lastly, don’t forget to pray to whatever deity you believe in. A little divine intervention never hurt anyone, right?


In all seriousness, crossing the road can be a dangerous affair, so always use the designated pedestrian crossings and obey traffic signals. And if all else fails, just bribe the road safety officials with gala and La Casera to let you cross. Works like a charm.


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